Just in time for Father’s Day the paperback for How to Drive a Tank… is now out and available to order via Amazon and other online retailers as well as any good local bookshop. So after two years in hardback I thought I’d share two of my favourite emails from readers. I’ll share more in future.
And if you’re one of the people who is thinking of emailing me about an adventure you have in mind, please, just do it. I regularly receive requests and read all of them if even I can’t guarantee I can actually take part.
From Stephen (one of my most recent reader reviews):
Hi Frank, Read your book and loved it. Very funny thing happened though; on the day that I bought it, I had planned in advance to (that day) write to Charles Bronson and recommend that with all his spare time he start doing yoga instead of his ten million sit ups a day routine (Yoga has a bad image problem but I do it and LOVE it!!). Then as I was flicking through the book in the bookshop I stumbled across the ‘Yoga for psychopaths chapter…Bizarre!!! Anyway my real motivation for writing is that yesterday I saw that James May (one of the three old sad pretend irreverent from Top Gear, or is it ‘Last of The Summer Wine?), has written (or at least had GHOST-written) a rip off copy of your book called ‘How to land a 330 Bomber and other tips for the modern gent’ and it was in a far more prominent position in the shop. Sadly it seems that Marketing, Plagiarism Capitalism and Brand names are more important than originality and creativity. Sue him if you can! Best wishes and Regards Stephen. P.S. Found the assertiveness bit in your book very helpful in dealing with mad ex girlfriend who I am forced to have contact with.
From Allan (one of my first reader reviews):
Dear Frank I recently bought your `How to drive a tank,’ book, and have to say its one of the best reads I’ve had in a long time. I’ve laughed more reading this book then I have with television lately, and some of the situations you talk about just made me fall flat on the floor ( or laugh very hard on the bus). As a 16 year old lad who is constantly seeking knowledge I must admit I was drawn to `make things go boom,’. You can be sure that if there are women screaming and running away at a party, I am now officially the cause. My girlfriend is now the owner of the book, she has a good laugh at the sexual chapters and particularly loves your introduction to `laughing and crying,’. I don’t mind the fact she keeps telling me I’m going to die one day, but must she be so upfront about it? Thanks for a great read that I am sure will be read many times. From your newest fan.
It’s always brilliant to receive your emails, so do keep them coming. Thanks a million, Frank.
A great opportunity for those with an American novel or work of non-fiction in the pipeline…
The Eccles British Library Writer in Residence Award
Applications are invited for the Eccles British Library Writer in Residence Award.
The award of £20,000, sponsored by the David and Mary Eccles Centre for American Studies at the British Library, is open to writers resident in the United Kingdom. Writers should be working on a non-fiction or fiction full-length book, written in the English language, the research for which requires that they make substantial use of the British Library’s collections relating to North America (the USA and/or Canada).
The award holder will be the Eccles British Library Writer in Residence for a period of one year from 1st January 2012. The award will help the Writer in Residence to spend part of that time on site at the British Library, making direct use of the collections relating to North America (the USA and/or Canada).
The Eccles British Library Writer in Residence will work with the Director of the Eccles Centre for American Studies to develop and participate in seminars, workshops and other activities and events related to the project. Necessary expenses such travel and subsistence to undertake these activities will be supplementary to the award – to be agreed in advance with the Centre Director.
The Writer in Residence will enhance the Eccles Centre’s web presence on the British Library website (www.bl.uk/eccles) in the form of a blog or similar contribution, and will also provide occasional short articles for inclusion in American Studies in Britain and similar publications. The Eccles Centre and British Library’s support of this award will be acknowledged in the book when published, and in any other publications, web articles or media features resulting from the award.
The British Library website, including public access to the catalogues, can be found at http://www.bl.uk. The Eccles Centre does not house a collection separate to that of the British Library, and the bibliographies on the Eccles Centre web pages give only a snapshot of some of the items in the British Library collection.
For details of Eccles Centre activities see http://www.bl.uk/eccles. Enquiries regarding the British Library’s holdings relating to the USA and Canada can be directed in the first instance to Dr Matthew Shaw (Matthew.Shaw@bl.uk) (US curator) Dr Philip Hatfield (Philip.Hatfield@bl.uk) (Canadian curator) or to the Eccles Centre (eccles-centre@bl.uk).
The award will be made in four quarterly payments of £5,000. No extra funding will be available with the exception of expenses reimbursed for activities and events as outlined above. The Writer in Residence will have privileged access to the curatorial expertise of the British Library, will be able to use the Writers and Scholars’ Room and will be entitled to use some BL staff facilities. On publication of the book every effort will be made by the Eccles Centre to host a launch event at the British Library.
Applications (no more than 5 pages) should:
Include a resumé of the book being written;
Include a brief CV;
Explain the nature and extent of the anticipated use of the British Library’s collections relating to North America (the USA and/or Canada);
Propose ways that the project will promote awareness and use of the British Library’s collections relating to North America (the USA and/or Canada);
Include evidence of a publisher’s intention to publish the finished book – this should include a hardcopy publication by an established publisher;
Be submitted before 5 p.m. on Wednesday 31st August 2011.
Further Information:
Applications should be submitted by email attachment to: eccles-centre@bl.uk
The judges reserve the right to request further information, including full book proposals, at a later stage of the application process.
Eccles Centre for American Studies
The British Library
96 Euston Road
London NW1 2DB
T +44 (0)20 7412 7551/7757
Eccles-centre@bl.uk
www.bl.uk/ecclescentre
For more information contact:
Miki Lentin
The British Library
t:+44 (0) 20 7412 7112
m:+44 (0) 7976 793 666
f:+44 (0) 20 7412 7168
e: miki.lentin@bl.uk
After two successful seasons in hardback How To Drive a Tank is now going to paperback in the UK on the 5th May 2011. I’ve just had the author copies through and they look very sexy indeed. There are also Czech and Russian editions on the way too so I thought it would be a great time to update a couple of sections from the book.
If you’ve ever wanted to break into intelligence or surveillance work then Edelweiss Tactical, those bad asses from Switzerland who taught me tactical firearms for Tank, currently have two places left on their Intelligence & Security Operator Course in May. There you’ll learn the fundamentals of mobile, foot and static surveillance. As well as counter surveillance, intelligence handling, how to manage covert human intelligence sources and informants and in-depth investigation techniques. There’s a bolt-on tech surveillance module as well. You can find full details here.
Readers of the How to Fight chapter will be familiar with the GLF principle (go like f**k). Mick Coup the C1 originator has posted some great new vids on his youtube site, including the following live ‘force on force’ drills from both UK and US training sessions. Here the combatants have to force they way up from the ground, go all out with no prohibited strikes, before being pinned back down and then expected to do it again. It’s hard work but is some of the best training for what a real fight is like – messy, brutal and short.
Craig Wiffen will soon be on his way around the UK and he needs your support, encouragement and donations now.
It’s a challenge for any experienced kayaker, an almost impossible feat for someone with just a few months of experience. Setting off on May 27th 2011 from Fowey on the South Coast of Cornwall and travelling counter clockwise, the journey itself is some 2200 miles, taking roughly 64 days and averaging 40 miles a day, paddling non stop, across shipping lanes and through some of the fastest tidal waters in the world. Seeing some of the most beautiful coast this country has to offer – it is the expedition of a life time.
Craig will be completely unsupported, paddling through the day, wild camping at night, cooking and eating on beaches and headland as he travels around the UK. It will be an epic undertaking of physical and mental endurance, through bad weather, exhaustion and loneliness.
Working in conjunction with Northshore Sea Kayaks will enable Craig to have the best of the best in sea kayaks. A custom design, by Mike Nelson, Senior Kayak Designer and Workshop Manager at Northshore, the Kayak will be Craig’s lifeline in the heavy seas he will encounter.
The expedition will be filmed for a documentary as Craig pushes on to the finish line, 2200 miles away.
Suddenly your newborn has given up its one week of sleeping through the night. They are grouchy, won’t go down at lunchtimes, drool constantly, cry for no reason, but also have the rosiest of rosy red cheeks.
All these could be signs your newborn is teething.
The aches and pains can start months before the teeth start breaking through and finish just in time for them to leave home (by which point they’ll be medicating with alco-pops and recreational drugs anyway, so no worries).
If you’re stuck try these simple remedies:
Calpol: Paracetemol for babies. It’s safe to use up to two times a day before three months and four times a day after (you can use baby ibuprofen for up to 24 hours but GPs recommend paracetamol as it is less harmful to young kidneys). Reviews.
Ashton & Parsons powders: Give one powder an hour. A simple herbal camomile, non-toxic, can be used repeatedly, some swear by it. Reviews.
Calgel/Bonjela /Anbesol: Rub a little on a clean finger, a dummy/pacifier, teething ring and apply to troubled area. Avoid any that contain choline salicylate as this has been linked to Reyes Syndrome.
Cold Compress:
Put a teething ring or dummy in the fridge or freezer and let them chew on it. The cold helps numb the pain.
If you live in a wintry environment you could try taking them out in a carrier and letting them breathe in the cool air too.
Another home remedy some father’s swear by is to place a flannel in pre-boiled water that’s cooled in the fridge. The coolness helps the pain and the liquid replaces the fluid from drooling so much.
Movement and distraction: sometimes your baby just won’t settle and you may need to walk them in a carrier, push them in a pram or stroller, or take them for a drive. Hanging out with other people, singing songs, playing games can all help to distract them too.
I find all of the above work to a greater or lesser degree and the pain – as well as the crying – should subside within an hour to a few hours, if not try ear defenders.
If they can take the edge off a pneumatic drill they might just work on your bundle of joy too.
People keep asking whether James May’s latest tome is, as they say, “the highest form of flattery”.
What do you think?
Frank Coles 2009: How to Drive a Tank…and Other Everyday Tips for the Modern Gentleman.
James May 2010: How to Land an Airbus A330 and Other vital skills for the Modern Man.
Our B-title was Modern Man funnily enough.
I’m sure Mr May’s effort will run year-on-year in the stocking stakes. It’s already spawned a TV show. And whether it’s flattery or not when you’re just breaking in, like me, it sure kills any hope of a book two in that particular series.
Ah well, I’ll guess I’ll just have to come up with another original idea. In the mean-time it’s great to hear that Tank regularly gets passed around the dorms of Britain’s boys’ schools as a must-read.
