Be your own best counsel with pattern disruption (notes to my kids)

by | Apr 9, 2013 | Dadhood

I was working with a young film maker the other day who told me he ‘didn’t want to learn too much’, just in case he became troubled about the world through this potential new-found knowledge. Well, I guess I can understand that. I used to feel the same. When you open your eyes and look past the automatic thoughts that adults, society, government, TV, the internet offer you it’s difficult sometimes to see past the ‘noise’ of intellectual chatter – that goes double for bad boy posturing and girly gossip (or vice versa).

The thing I’ve found over the years is that you will inevitably get caught in cognitive traps – believing what other people tell you when you know through either experience, knowledge or insight that the belief in question is either just plain wrong or a little bit fuzzy round the middle. And you will stress about things whatever your level of intellect. So here’s my best advice to cope with the fear of overload:

Test yourself. Put yourself in a situation that scares you, regularly. That way you’ll raise the stakes on what you call stress and cope with overload more easily.
Say ‘fuck it’ regularly. Find something you think is really important and just shout out ‘Fuck it!’ Go on try it you’ll feel better for it. Now do that for the rest of the day. Sometimes you just need to cut yourself a break and let go. This western mantra is simply the Buddhist principle of ‘letting go’ if that makes you feel any better. It doesn’t? Well fuck it anyway!
Disrupt patterns. If you always catch the bus to school, walk it for a change. Then take a different route every day. If you only ever wear assassin black, try something pink. Go on be bold. It’s been shown that insight comes from allowing multiple pathways for understanding to be built in the brain. The most adaptive types of people (successful types if you’re into self-help) use multiple maps of the territory in order to be most effective. Try this: if you’re an atheist go to church for a month. If you’re religious go without god and be a moral being without a handy checklist for a month. If you always argue, let the other person win for a whole day. If you’re always serious learn a cheesy joke every day and then tell it to someone! Watch what happens.
It’s true because… If someone tells you something and it just doesn’t ring true, say a politician with a new stat, a new medical break through, some well-worn piece of economics dogma, a, conspiracy theory, whatever. Then go and find out for yourself what is true. I tried this first with a a secretive group of people called the Bilderbergers who, depending on who you read were either the secret rulers of the world or a piece of disinformation invented by the CIA. Neither were true, but they do exist and wield a lot of power. But this  little gem will work for you with any part of life. Sometimes you’ll find out that nobody knows the answer but by asking questions you may, and that then makes you the expert.

In summary: find things out for yourself, disrupt patterns, say ‘Fuck it’ and let go, test yourself and know your abilities.

Here endeth the babble kids.

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Penis Leashes and Carrot Danglers (notes to my kids)

by | Jan 10, 2013 | Dadhood

My little loves, I apologise, when you read this you will probably be a little bit older and “going what the hell is dad on about?” these notes to my kids are just the things I hope to remember to tell you as you grow up or when you’ve grown up. As parents these days are leaving it a little bit late to start having kids I can’t always guarantee I’ll be around. And, if I don’t get them down I will probably forget them being an old geezer and whatnot. So, first up:

Never let anyone lead you around by your penis.
As you get older you will experience the feelings of sexual attraction. Which is great. It’s normal, and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, ever. However, you will meet the occasional person who is so attractive to you they make you go all weak at the knees, a bit silly about the head, and even make you lose your mind – so much so that all common sense will be forgotten (This goes for girls to. Just substitute the word penis for sexual desire).

So when a good-looking guy or gal in school or work has you under their spell and they ask, encourage, or cajole you into doing something that you wouldn’t normally do, ask yourself “is this what I really want to do, or am I being led around by my penis?”

Beware of carrot danglers.
This is related but not the same. Basically a carrot dangler is someone who tries to get you to do something now by suggesting that great things may happen in your future if you do this for them.

For example, “if you do this first piece of work for free there will be the opportunity for paid work down the line.” Or, “if you [sign this contract, marry me, do a little dance], only then,will everything be okay.” Or, “pass these exams, and you will get into the university of your choice.”

Sometimes you’ll just have to go with it, as in the exam example. At other times, as in the work example, you want to nail the agreement upfront. It’s not an opportunity for paid work unless they are obligated to give you paid work.

The fear of saying no.
People worry that if they say “No!” to someone that they will offend, upset or make that person not want to be their friend. But learning to say no to people is an essential skill to have and more often than not you won’t offend, upset or lose friends by saying no. Try it today, over something small, say when someone offers you a drink for example, if that person takes offence then you probably don’t want that sensitive soul as a pal anyway.

That’s the first lesson kids. I hope it helps. By the way you will inevitably be suckered by carrot danglers and have your sexual desires manipulated by someone at some point in your life. Don’t beat yourself up. Mistakes are how you learn.

I love you kids. Despite that there’ll be plenty more embarrassing notes to come.

 

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